The Honeymoon Phase
Recently, I met a woman that deeply compliments my life. Our energies dance perfectly together, a result of us both having a healthy inner relationship so we could expand upon that with another. We met in April (after talking for a few months), and within that first moment of our eyes connecting, we both knew that we wanted to co-create together. Since then we’ve been nearly inseparable. When we are out, we often get complimented by others as they witness the gratitude and love we express towards each other. One couple asked how long we’ve been together and then responded with “maybe its the honeymoon phase”; as if it’s impossible to continue and remain blissful for the duration of the relationship. This got me pondering on the concept of the honeymoon phase and the stories we tell ourselves.
My perception of the honeymoon phase, is that it’s not so much of a phase, but rather a mutual expression of gratitude and love (unconditional act of giving) exercised between both parties. Over time, in some relationships the joy and gratitude shifts to complaints, often about the same things that we once admired. I believe there are many components to this, but ultimately it serves as a reflection of our inner state of being. This becomes enhanced by beliefs and stories that we tell ourselves (and then attach to). When we lack something within we tend to expect our partner to compensate for our own internal lack. Often this revolves around a lack of inner love that we attempt to satisfy through another. When another fails to meet this impossible task, conflict arises and resentment builds. This suffocates the gratitude, vastly impacting the dynamics of the relationship.
How the relationship starts off definitely sets its course. A weak foundation in a relationship is like trying to build a house on quicksand. No matter what you do, it continues to sink. Sometimes this is caused by one party projecting a front, as a measure to hide their true self. I call this the representative trap, where one projects a false identity due to their own fears and insecurities. This is tied to a lack of self-love and inner confidence (a genuine feeling of appreciation and self-acceptance) on their part, but vastly impacts the relationship due to unconscious projections.
Relationship health assessment
If you want to understand more about the relationship you’re in, take a serious look at everything that is going on. If it appears to be toxic and you’re still in it then it’s serving you at some level. Often it is about awakening your own self-love. If there are repetitive conversations that appear to be constant, fight after fight, start to record them and play them back for your own reflection. Its not about your partner here, it’s about you seeing the truth about the relationship and making your OWN inner changes. This served me greatly when I was in a long term relationship that became toxic, as it allowed for me to see beyond the stories (illusion) I was telling myself. By recording and reflecting I was able to see everything more objectively and this greatly helped with me transforming and changing to avoid repeating those patterns.
Relationships and its challenges
Relationships have challenges; its two people bringing their worlds together and it can be very messy at times (but it doesn’t have to be). What keeps the relationship strong is the ability to remain open and vulnerable with one another. This helps keep that inner space pure which fosters emotional safety. There might be challenges, you might get triggered, but it’s by remaining open and expressing your feelings that encourages growth and strengthens the relationship. This requires a consistent practice of patience, unconditional love and gratitude.
Releasing the stories
It doesn’t have to be a phase for a relationship to keep the daily expression of gratitude, or the so called “honeymoon phase”. Anything repeated from the heart continues to feed itself. The stories we tell ourselves, take us out of our heart and into our mind. By releasing the stories we find only freedom. This freedom opens the doors to infinite gratitude and love, and the more we have this within, the greater we express it outwardly towards others. It’s an act of embracing and practicing unconditional love and acceptance, which starts from within. In doing this, we shed light on the unconscious and our experiences rapidly change.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.
― C.G. Jung
It’s about remaining mindful of our thoughts and our core feelings, while learning how to express and share that with your partner. When we are not mindful with our self, we tend to fall into the trap of critical judgment towards others. This leads to more blaming and never ending gossip. All are but external distractions that take us further away from our inner self. When we go within we change, when we focus on the outer we perpetuate the same challenges. Shadow Work, which I’ll elaborate on in future posts, is a big part of this inner transformation. Through shadow work we bring awareness to the unconscious. When two people come together and match this awareness, they experience the presence of love and infinite expansion is the outcome. Then the so-called “honeymoon phase” becomes more of a way of life…
Until next time,