The Victim Mentality Trap
When we live from the victim mentality, we become more cynical, judgmental and reactive to others. We end up reacting with all our past pain and trauma in every present situation. This causes us to relive the past and recreate our experiences, which then validates ‘our story’. Have you ever pondered on how you might live without your past pain?
When I was 19, I stayed with a friend and his dad for a few months and had the benefit of having his dad as a father-like figure. Through a series of discussions about my childhood trauma, he said something to the effect of “Stop replaying the story that you are the victim; you will never change, not from that mindset. Refuse to be a victim and understand that you have the ability to rebuild yourself and change.”
This was the start of a spiritual journey for me – one of practicing mindfulness and reflecting on the unconscious, the mirror aspect to life. At that time in my life, I was still blaming others for my challenges by replaying (mentally) the stories and the associated emotions. It’s the mental replay of the old emotions that has to stop – and being mindful of our thoughts helps change that. If you continue to find yourself reacting and blaming others, it would benefit you to turn it around and look at yourself. Be honest with yourself and see where all the emotion is coming from.
The hard truth…
The more mindful we become, the more we realize that in order to heal we must be willing to accept responsibility for our wounds and do the deep inner work to heal. As we heal, it’s important to release the past and cease to recall the emotional pain. To dwell on any past pain only reinfects our self in the present. Another component to this is to realize it is not about OTHERS needing to change. No one can impact your ’emotional’ state without your permission. Therefore, others do not need to change for you to have peace, only YOU have to change to have peace.
Clarity and power…
When you take responsibility for your own emotional state, you find yourself having complete power over your thoughts and emotions. This may start as a gradual process and then expands as you become more mindful. You will begin to see the difference between an emotional charge from the past and what’s actually happening in the present situation. You become increasingly aware in your daily life and if you encounter conflict, you find yourself upset only from the present moment situation. There is NO past pain brought into the current situation. As a result, you become less reactive and your emotions remain more grounded.
By observing your stories that you are playing in your mind, you see your thoughts as you are thinking them and gain power over your point of focus. What you focus on expands; by shifting your focus, you starve the old thought patterns and create new ones that lead to a healthier and more peaceful state of mind.
Until next time,