Midlife dating can be quite interesting. Initially the idea of starting over later in life can be quite daunting. As mentioned in getting past your breakup I parted from a long term relationship last year. After some time of reflection, I decided to review options for meeting others and dating.
The biggest challenge I had was meeting people in general. Overall, I’ve had the best success with meeting people at events and through friends, but online dating sites can serve as a good introductory tool. My first few experiences got me questioning the entire dating process in general. I was surprised in the amount of pain that some people still carried around from their past. Understanding the mirror aspect, I realized that I myself needed to do some deeper reflecting and healing to clear the unconscious similarities within myself. Shortly after doing that, my experiences vastly improved.
Seeing your value
It’s important to see and acknowledge all that you bring to the table when seeking out a partner. If you don’t fully see your worth, how can you expect another to recognize it and treat you accordingly? How we think and feel about our self is vastly tied to our self-worth. As discussed in awakening the self the more we awaken and appreciate our self, the greater our ability to get clear on what we desire in another. In a way, we become complete as we are and we no longer ‘need’ another to feel complete in life. A relationship then becomes a compliment to our life and not a necessity.
When it comes to seeking a life partner patience is crucial, especially if you want to avoid repeating previous patterns from past relationships. When we are less patient we are quicker to settle or overlook red flags. The more patient we are the more present we become, and presence sees through any BS. More importantly, being patient with the dating process greatly helps with clarity on what you want in a partner and a relationship. This is crucial, especially if you’ve had bad experiences or fallen into the trap of dating a narcissist. So take your time with dating and really feel out your partner. I liken it to dating at the speed of a turtle, really taking the time to get to know them before getting intimate, as intimacy can cloud judgment.
Are you clear on what you want in a partner or a relationship? If not, what are you doing to gain clarity in that area? One thing that has worked well for me is creating an ideal partner list on paper. This list included all things that I desire in a partner down to the very detail of hair color, eyes, physique, values, etc. For myself I created a must-have list and a nice-to-have list. Then I wrote down all details around what I desire in a relationship, such as how I treat my ideal partner and how I am treated in return.
Doing these things will greatly help you get a clear picture on what you desire in a partner and how you see a healthy relationship. A clear picture helps bring you that experience. It also reveals the changes you need to make in order to match what you desire.
You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are.
~Dr Wayne Dyer
Becoming what you want
As the saying goes, you must become what you want. For example, if you want someone who has their finances in order, become financially responsible yourself. If you want someone who is free from past baggage then do the work on your own inner healing. If you want someone that is loving towards you, then start being loving towards yourself and others. Be authentic and be willing to put yourself out there honestly and openly, especially if you’re expecting the same in return. As you will find, its very liberating to just fully express yourself honestly and authentically regardless of the outcome.
If your experiences are not going well, take time time to reflect and get clear on yourself and what your looking for in a partner and a relationship. As we change, what we’re attracted to changes and the people we meet often reflect our inner state.
Until next time,